Sin-ekh-du-kee

The big screen's just never big enough

Embarrassing confession time: I’ve never watched “Being John Malkovich” and only saw “Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind” for the first time within the last six months. That’s quite disgraceful, I know.

That said, I enjoyed “Eternal Sunshine” immensely: as far as narratives go, I usually like them somewhat fragmented and not quite making sense until the end, so that ticked most of my boxes when it came to it, and I found Jim Carrey much less annoying than I usually do (possibly even less-so if “The Truman Show” weren’t on heavy rotation on TV…not that it’s a bad film, but doesn’t anyone else just think that there’s something wrong with his face?)

It’s disappointing that “Synecdoche, New York” is only opening outside of the States now (UK and Ireland release is this weekend, and Oz only got it recently too) when it was amongst the Oscar discussions for this year. Yeah, this is a film that was spoken about in the same breath as “Doubt,” but turns out far superior in my opinion (especially when it speaks such volumes to the failing/struggling writer in me who is his own worst critic.)

In keeping with the results of this poll, I’m going to grade my reviews now, and “Synecdoche, New York” (with the full review below) gets an A+.

Maximum Warp…Punch It (A Star Trek Review)

Well, it’s finally here: several years of waiting has finally culminated in the new “Star Trek” movie beaming to a screen near you this week. 

You can be jealous: I’ve already seen it twice (yeah, twice…it was better the second time, and I’ve a feeling it might be better still when I’ve seen it the third time…and then even better the fourth…okay, suffice it to say, I liked it, I liked it a lot.)

I’m too young to have grown up watching “Star Trek”: I’m sure many of the people going to see this film are. But my childhood was built around a lot of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and “Deep Space Nine” still holds a special place in my heart (along with my DVD collection, and anytime I manage to catch any re-runs…but enough of the space-station love.)

Anyway, my main concern can be set aside: my childhood remains intact, and there were a hell of a lot more moments in there that were faithful to the series rather than shitting all over it. (To be honest, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” could learn a lot from this film.) Instead of worrying, what I got was this awesome romp, this fun, intelligent and well put-together film and…well, did I mention I loved it.

In case me saying “I loved it” didn’t quite do it for you, my full review is below. (Until I get a few more votes on this poll, I’m sticking with my marks out of five grading system) and this gets a shiny 4/5 (but it’s more like 4.99999/5)

A Song About Coraline

 I had the pleasure of catching a 3D screening of Henry Selick’s “Coraline” at the recent Jameson Dublin International Film Festival: aside from being an absolutely brilliant film, it was followed by a Q+A with author Neil Gaiman, and “the other Neil” was also in the audience, a Neil going by the full name of Neil Jordan, who will be directing Gaiman’s next adaptation, namely “The Graveyard Book.”

Not only is “Coraline” an amazing film, but getting to hear the writer talk about it…well, anyone who knows me would know how brilliant that would be. 

Anyway, “Coraline” is still a couple of days off general release here in Ireland (despite being out several months ago in the States) but there are previews on for the May weekend, and it’s well worth checking it out, as it’s already earned its title as one of the best movies of the first half of 2009. If you’re wondering, my full review’s below, but this gets the full 5/5.

Claws Of Crap

 So no, I’m not going to talk about the fact that “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” leaked on-line, nor about the fact that that this will kill the film’s box office takings. This will just be an honest, impartial review of the film. Personally, even just from the ads, I’m irritated at how they seem to have forgotten all about why these films are being made, all about the other films in the series, all about the original comics, and all about the original characters in them. So instead, the fan-boy in me looks at “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” as a film that shouldn’t necessarily have been made.

Having watched it, I’m glad that my opinion hasn’t been unfounded: it really validated my incredibly low expectations of it. I honestly don’t know how films this…okay, I’m not gonna say bad, but I don’t know how films this mediocre can be made, passing through so many producers, actors, directors, writers…

Anyway, my ‘proper’ review is below: I really rather hope it encourages you not to go see it…but maybe that’s cos I’m a bit mean. Short answer: 2/5.

Sweden: Land of Subtitled Vampires

 What better time for a film about vampires to come out than when all the kids are on their Easter holidays. “Let The Right One In” opens this Friday, and is certainly a refreshing change to the usual keep-the-kids-amused fare we get into the cinema at this time of year.

This review comes with a warning though: the movie’s is Swedish. That means it was shot in Sweden, that they speak Swedish, and that there’s subtitles. If you’re not prepared to read the subtitles, then I don’t ever want to have to talk to you again. 

Wild At Heart

The trailer for “Where The Wild Things Are”…there’s just something about it that looks so beautiful and cool (Jim Henson puppets have, and always will be, the makings of a great childhood film). It’s based on the book by Maurice Sendak, and I’m trying to figure out if this is a very American thing, or if my childhood was just underprivileged, because while I’ve heard about it, to say it went under my radar would be an understatement.

(My heart breaks slightly at what I assume is the crying ‘monster’ at 1:12)

Knowing Me, Knowing You

Alex Proyas’ new movie “Knowing” descends on cinemas next week. It stars Nicolas Cage, which should give you an idea of what to expect…yeah…

Two-Times-Two is…

For anyone heading to the cinema this weekend, there’s really three options in terms of new releases: “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” which doesn’t even warrant my attention; Matthew Horne and James Corden in “Lesbian Vampire Killers” (they’re killers of lesbian vampires, not vampire killers who are lesbian); and Clive Owen and Julie Roberts teaming up to do some industrial espionage in “Duplicity.”

Since I still haven’t seen “Lesbian Vampire Killers” and have no intention of seeing “Mall Cop,” I leave you with a review of “Duplicity,” or as we will call it, “Ocean’s Two.”

Something Inside Me Just Died

So X-Men 3 just…well, completely ruined the franchise for me, as well as shitting all over, I repeat ALL OVER one of my favourite characters, and plots (ie. the Dark Phoenix Saga.)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine looks like it’ll be doing something similar, anyway. I’m not the hugest Wolverine fan, but the character’s alright…I still prefer Steve Blum’s take on him than Hugh Jackman (for the uninitiated, Blum voices Wolverine in all the animated/video game appearances of the character since X-Men: Evolution…he’s perfect.)

So let’s see, where have they gone wrong with this?

• Well, for starters, if you believe the news floating around the interwebs, the scary-looking mutant dude is Weapon XI, in the body of Wade Wilson. Meh, I don’t care much for Deadpool, but way to SHIT ALL OVER CHARACTERS (again.)
• Emma Frost…she’s organic diamond, not some “chick” with “sparkle” powers. There is no way in hell that that…girl is in any way connected to Emma Frost. No.
• Gambit. Who cares? I know I don’t. Then again, I suppose they’ve had Jubilee and Nightcrawler in the films, the only characters to SUCK MORE ASS THAN A CAJUN THIEF.

Meh, rant is coming to a close now, so I’ll just leave you with the trailer. Part of me wants to see this for reviewing purposes, just so I can absolutely SLATE it. Cos I so will.

To Boldly Go Where…People Have Been Going For 40 Years

I’m still undecided about the new Star Trek…the film will be awesome, I know that, but…but it’s no DS9 movie. I wish there was a DS9 movie.

Still, it’s JJ Abrams, which will make it intelligently awesome, and it’s got its fair share of eye candy, in terms of stars and awesome action scenes.  It kinda makes me want to go look for (and buy) the Original Series (and the movies from the Original Series) on DVD.

The Day The World Went Away

So the first trailer for “Terminator: Salvation” looked…well, kinda suck, but this new one’s gone up in the last few hours and looks so much better!

Bonus points for using Nine Inch Nails in the trailer, and there are some bits in there that still look a bit…”derivitive” shall we say, but this may not actually be the meh kind of film I was thinking it was.

Trailer’s up now on Trailer Addict and once I can figure out how to embed it, I will…oh, lord I will.

Who Watches The Blog-men?

So I spend a lot of my time watching movies, playing games and so on, and I started the old blog in an attempt to review things. A lot of my reviews tend to be for FrankTheMonkey but this blog’s gonna have a lot of things just because they’re what I’m doing at the moment.

So last week I got to check out the screening for Watchmen: if you haven’t heard about it…well, you’ve probably had your head buried in the sand, but if you have…well, the review is just below.

Short answer is 4/5.